


Lucky Seven

by thesinfulship



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: F/M, Friends With Benefits, Roof Sex, Rough Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Unrequited, Wall Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-15 08:12:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5778079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesinfulship/pseuds/thesinfulship
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They both needed something from one another. Unfortunately, those needs didn't quite match up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The first time hardly felt real.

They could easily have justified it as an adrenaline fuck, just getting something out of their system. A hail of bullets and several explosions were nothing new for either of them, but still. No one ever quite gets used to near-death experiences, no matter how many they go through. And when this particular near-death experience ended with one on top of the other, completely alone and with plenty of brick to press against, it was impossible to deny that rush of blood and that jolt of heat.

If they were to tell anyone else – which they _wouldn’t_ , but _if_ – they would say it was a heat of the moment thing, a weird, one-time thing that didn’t make any sense. Something to remind themselves of the fleeting nature of life or some such philosophy. But if they were to be honest, it was something that had been coiling in both of them for a long time, waiting for an excuse to spring.

It was aggressive and needy, all desperate tearing at costumes and biting kisses, as though trying to make this happen before they snapped out of it. It didn’t last long either, but God, it was good. Every second could have been an age for how good it was. There were no missteps, not so much as a stumble as they both drove toward what they wanted and needed in that moment. She came first, but barely, gasping into his mouth and gripping his hair like a lifeline as he finished only a moment later.

What followed was a blur of exhausted, dry breaths, shaking limbs, and little grunts and moans as they came down. He set her down, but immediately leaned against her, pushing her against the wall in a new way. He didn’t kiss her, didn’t so much as brush his lips against her, didn’t hold her.

What he did do was let out a single, low chuckle and mutter “Jesus Christ, Barb.”


	2. Chapter 2

The second time was violent, or almost.

It wasn’t like either of them was a wilting flower or had never had aggressive, even angry sex before, but this was different. This was fury.

Because he was being an asshole. Because he went against the plan. Because he had the audacity to fucking smirk about it like he knew better. Because in the middle of her tirade, he lit and puffed on a cigarette and blew the smoke at her and shrugged. Because when she smacked the cigarette out of his hand, he caught her wrist and leaned in.

He was pissed, too.

Because she was acting like a self-righteous brat. Because she was better than him and they both knew it and he didn’t need a damn reminder. Because she had the audacity to fucking yell at him when he was the only reason they got out of there alive. Because he was sick of hearing all the reasons he had failed and was bored with the usual list. Because he wanted to do something right, which, at least according to her, would be for the first time that night.

So he leaned in and pulled her close and kissed her with a hot mouth that still had a little smoke in it, and damn if she didn’t kiss him back the second he did it. That was the moment they both knew that their blink-and-you’ll-miss-it first time had been on both their minds ever since. No one kisses like that unless they’ve thought about it. When she reached up and grabbed his jacket to pull him in even closer, he started to rear back a bit, to ask what they’re doing, to ask if she’s sure. But she kissed him so hard then he could swear she drew blood and that was a good enough answer for him.

She yanked his hair so hard he almost protested because _Jesus¸_ you know that takes a while to grow back if it’s pulled out? But when she lifted her leg just a little to rub a circle against his thigh, he was ready to let her rip him bald if it meant she’d keep it up.

He turned and slammed her into the rooftop entry door where they had been having their spat, a harsh yellow light distorting her normally gorgeous coloring. She looked fiercer then, not even in the way she would in a fight, and the shadows cast down her face in an unflattering way under the cowl. It was fucking fantastic.

He had meant to keep her against the wall, to make slower work of something like their first time, to be the one in control, but Barbara wasn’t having it. She shoved her hands up the back of his shirt and dragged her nails down hard, and while he was distracted by growling over the sharp sting, got his legs out from under him. The wind was knocked out of his lungs from either the force of the fall or the feel of her straddled over him, and he wasn’t sure which one.

The moment he got his senses back, he reached up with one hand and pulled her face down to him, meeting her halfway and kissing her with a hard bite that made her jolt and pull back. He didn’t let her, though, moving his mouth to bite at her jaw and neck before she got the advantage again and started to work at his pants. Just from the look of her, Jason would guess her body was as ready as his, or almost. He automatically lifted his hips a little so she could yank down his pants, hissing when the night air hit him.

“It’s not a race,” he snapped, trying to tug at her suit as well, but she knocked him back again.

“Shut up,” she ordered.

All that served to do was piss him off again, so he bounced his hips a little to make her jump and let him catch her suit in a way that allowed him to start to pull it off. It was sheer luck that he didn’t rip anything, strong though the uniform was, because he had gone from zero to sixty and wanted nothing more than to even things out. The moment he could, he reached between her legs to feel her, smirking in an ugly way at the sound she made.

He could tell she wanted to smack his hand away and get to the main event, but he could also tell that despite herself, she liked what he was doing. Maybe if he had been trying to be a lover pleasing his partner rather than a jerk trying to make a point, he would have taken his time to work her up. But right now, all he wanted to do was get her quivering, knock her down a peg or two. It wasn’t hard. All it took was a few rubs of his palm at the right angle to coax a throaty sound out of her, and when he pushed two fingers in – admittedly a little too soon, but no one was playing nice at the moment – she jolted and dug her nails into his arms. When he pressed, he could feel her body respond more and more.

She got her mind back in gear very suddenly, opening her eyes and yanking his hand away. When she actually pinned both his hands down, Jason snarled at her a little, a sound that died when she slammed down onto him.

There was no waiting, no building up, just hard, mean fucking that he didn’t know she had in her. Sure, she was a terrifying force in the field, but he had thought she would still just be some iteration of _Barbara_ during sex. This certainly wasn’t Barbara, the cute, funny girl he had relentlessly flirted with as a teenager. This wasn’t even Barbara, the tough-as-nails cop’s kid. When had Batgirl invaded the rest of her?

Every time he went to lift his hands, her grip would tighten. If it ever came down to it, Jason could probably win against her through sheer brute force, but Barbara was always more elegant and strategic. She had found a way to hold his hands down and press a spot that made his arms feel weak. His legs, however, were another story, and with a grunt of effort, he managed to surprise her by bending them and rolling. Like hell he was going to be the only one with his back on the concrete that night.

She was about to say something, probably about to try to flip them back over, but Jason started to fuck into her hard and all coherent speech was knocked out of her in the first few thrusts. It was all so different from the last time. None of this was a blur; on the contrary, it all stood out in sharp relief, as though their senses were heightened. Jason felt like he could see every strand of her hair, every bead of sweat on her face, and every short sound she made went right through him and spurred him on.

Her legs tightened around his hips and she dug into him with her feet, and he responded by grabbing her thigh so hard he knew she would bruise. He might have felt a little bad about that if she hadn’t arched her back at the sensation. He felt her nails digging into him again, but this time it was not about control. This time it was because she needed an anchor, because she was so close she felt like she might lose her mind. He tilted his hips a little and tangled a hand into her hair, tugging to angle her neck so he could suck at the skin there, and that pushed her over the edge all at once.

She yelled into his jacket, her whole body bucking and tensing. He could feel her tightening around him and hear her letting out sounds he had previously only heard from her in a fight. He moved harder and faster, chasing what he wanted, and when she reached down and pressed her nails into his legs, it was all too much. He came with a harsh growling sound, his face buried into her shoulder, biting her hard again. They panted and shuddered together for a moment before Barbara pushed him off of her, causing him to roll in an awkward, exposed way onto his back again.

There were several long red hairs in his fist, and he shook them away before tugging his clothes back on. Barbara wouldn’t look at him as she pulled herself together, which was okay, because Jason was still reeling and wasn’t quite sure what would come out of his mouth if they tried to talk to each other at that moment. Once they were both dressed, there was a long, still silence, broken only by the sounds of the city and their slightly heavy breaths.

He walked over to her and started to say something, but before he could get out more than her name, she turned to him, briefly squeezed his arm, and made her way off the roof.

He wasn’t sure what it meant, so he lit a cigarette and stayed there alone until the sun rose.


	3. Chapter 3

The third time was awfully one-sided.

They hadn’t seen or spoken to each other in a while. Missions and patrol didn’t overlap for a couple of weeks, and then Jason had left the country for almost a month to go raise some hell in Europe, but maybe that was a blessing. After their…whatever it was on the roof that night, neither was sure how to proceed. But a long absence from one another’s company and radio silence had burned away most of the awkwardness that would surely have come from their next meeting.

Most of it.

Jason didn’t exactly make a habit of putting in appearances at Wayne Manor functions. Between being presumed dead by most and not actually being invited in the first place, he normally wouldn’t have showed up to the ass-numbingly dull event. But he happened to be in town, happened to be near the manor at the time of the event, and happened to see Barbara arriving with her dad and wearing a gorgeous dark green dress.

So he snuck in.

He wasn’t dressed for the thing at all, but he was skilled enough at hiding in plain sight that no one seemed to notice, especially since he hung around the open bar rather than milled about the place. He had even slicked his hair a little so he’d look more presentable. It felt weird, but it looked pretty good.

He couldn’t find her at first, couldn’t locate her in the sea of stuffy one percenters. He even started to wonder if she had only shown up at all as a cover – the old “arrive at an event, greet enough people to have a solid alibi, slip away to go be a hero, make it back in time for the champagne toast” routine. But then the light caught a flash of vivid hair that could only belong to her, and he realized she was making her way over to the bar. He summoned the bartender and ordered a glass of wine he was pretty sure was the kind she liked. Just as she reached the bar and was about to order, he slid the glass in front of her. The look on her face when she realized it was him was priceless.

“Hey,” he said casually.

“Uh – hey,” she returned, her eyes still wide. “Why are you here?”

“I’m fine, thanks for asking.”

“Sorry, I just…”

“Yeah. Me too.”

They looked at each other for a long moment, neither quite sure what to say. Jason shifted a little and finished off his second drink, then ordered a third.

“Have you talked to Bruce yet?” Barbara asked, making Jason scoff.

“Not exactly on the VIP list these days, Barb.”

“Gotcha.”

“I wasn’t even going to come in.”

“But the siren song of the open bar convinced you?” she teased a little.

He didn’t answer, just gave a brief but appreciative glance up and down her, getting the point across just fine. Barbara rolled her eyes.

“Jason…”

“What? I’m just saying you look good.”

“Can we not…” she trailed off, looking around at the crowd.

“What, you think I’m going to rehash the last time we saw each other right here in the middle of the rich blue-haireds?”

“Would you _stop_?” she hissed, grabbing his wrist and leading him away to a quiet corner near the hall. She took a breath and looked him in the eye. “Whatever went on with us, it was just…I don’t know what it was. Adrenaline.”

“First time, maybe. Last time…”

“Last time I was angry with you.”

“So was I. But somewhere along the way it stopped being a fight.”

“No, it didn’t.”

“You always fight with your pants open?”

She looked around as though to see if anyone could overhear, then gripped his arm tightly and yanked him down the hall, far from the party and any potential eavesdroppers. Just as she was about to really lay into him and tell him exactly where she stood, he held up his hands as though in surrender.

“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to piss you off. That’s not why I’m here.”

“Then why?”

“Because…I wanted to see you.”

“Because you think it’ll happen again.”

“What? No.”

“Sure.”

“I’m not looking to get laid, I’m looking to say hello to my friend.”

Barbara looked at him like she wasn’t too sure, prompting him to sigh and mess up his hair a bit.

“Okay. Maybe I was a _little bit_ kind of thinking about it happening again. But I didn’t come here with, like, a goal set,” he said.

“Thought so.”

“You haven’t thought about it?”

“I didn’t say I haven’t.”

“Didn’t say you have.”

“Yeah, I’ve thought about it. Of course I have.”

He looked down at her, and _Jesus_ , she looked gorgeous. She had always been one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen, no question, even – maybe especially – when she was a wreck from fighting. When he was a kid, he had more than a few not-so-idle fantasies about her. But now they had both grown up, and Jason was pretty sure she could break hearts with a glance. At that moment, she looked so polished and poised it was hard not to stare. So stare he did, for a long moment, until she surprised him by leaning in and kissing him briefly. It was quick and chaste, like a casual kiss goodbye.

He really should have just let it end there, let them just drift back to whatever it was they had been before, but of course he didn’t. He leaned in before she had moved back so much as two inches and kissed her again. He wasn’t harsh or desperate as he had been with her before, but rather he took his time with it, making it heated and deep, wrapping his arms around her. He tasted like whiskey and she tasted like wine. He really should have just let it end there, but damn it, he didn’t want to.

Without letting up, he pushed away from the wall and started walking them toward a little alcove nearby. It held a display of some vase from some dynasty, some painting from some master, neither of which mattered when Barbara was there and letting him kiss her like that. When she was letting him press her into the corner, letting him run his hand up her leg and grasp at it, letting his other hand rove to her breast and thumb at her through the soft fabric.

“The party…” she started, her voice breathy already.

“It’s okay,” he said against her mouth, gathering the skirt of her dress in his hand.

“We should get back.”

“In a minute.”

“Jason…”

“Can I just…let me?”

He pulled back to look at her for a moment. Her eyes were a little dazed and fuzzy, her lips slightly reddened, and she nodded. He only looked for a second, because he just had to keep kissing her before either of them rethought this. He brought his hand up between her legs, rubbing at her through her thin underwear, and oh dear _God,_ he could feel lace. Moving his mouth to her jaw, he kissed a slow, firm trail up to her ear as she gasped a little into his. He rubbed harder and she shuddered, making him smile just a bit before kissing down her neck and dipping his fingers under the fabric to touch her.

He knew he had to be quick, knew she’d be missed if they took too long, so he ran his fingers along her briefly before starting to circle around her clit. When she made a little whimpering sound, he moved his hand down to push one finger inside her, then two once she whimpered again. At first he just moved them in and out, marveling at how she felt, kissing her again. When he added pressure and she let her mouth fall open against his, he just watched her. Her eyes were shut tight, and she pressed her lips together to muffle the little sounds she made as she got closer and closer. When it seemed like she might cry out, he leaned in and kissed her once more, feeling her suddenly tensing and tightening around him.

He took her through it, waiting until she dropped her arms from around his neck to grab his arms for stability. Barbara’s eyes were still closed, her breath hard and her skin radiating a high blush from her cheeks to her throat. Jason gave her a minute, then stepped back a little and looked at her.

“You okay?” he asked quietly.

She nodded, opening her eyes and looking at him like she wasn’t sure what to say. She tried a couple of times to come up with something, but nothing came out. Jason shook his head.

“No, look…you don’t have to say anything. It’s okay,” he said. “You should get back. I’ll wait a while and then I’ll follow.”

He kissed her one more time, then quickly turned and walked down the hall to the nearby powder room to splash his face and give himself a minute to cool down. He took a few deep breaths and checked his reflection. He had a little of her lipstick on his face, and he wiped it off on his sleeve before giving his cheeks a sharp smack to get focused.

When he made his way back out to the party, he went to the bar and ordered one more glass of wine to make up for the one Barbara didn’t get a chance to drink. But when he tried to find her in the crowd to deliver it, she was nowhere to be found.


	4. Chapter 4

The fourth time was finally, _finally_ , somewhere private.

They were quiet when they got to Jason’s place. Barbara had a bad cut down her leg and Jason’s apartment was closer than the cave. He helped her hobble over to the couch and get it elevated before going for his first aid kit and getting to work. Neither spoke. Neither wanted to. Being unable to save a family from getting slaughtered will render a body quiet.

So they stayed silent while Jason stitched up the worst of it and dressed the cut, silent while he grabbed her something to wear instead of a blood-soaked costume, silent when she left to change in the bathroom and came back with red eyes. She made to lie down on the couch and crash, but Jason shook his head and led her by the shoulders to the bed. He lay down beside her and pulled the blankets over them both, closing his eyes and falling asleep quickly.

He woke some hours later to feel her rolling over toward him and draping her arm over his chest. Sure she was asleep and dreaming, he made to gently move her back to her own side of the bed when she suddenly kissed him.

His eyes flew open and he pulled back to look at her, seeing that her eyes were open, too. Still not saying a word, they looked at each other for a moment before moving in at the same time. This wasn’t like anything they had done before. This was quiet and slow and tender. This was a silent comfort in the darkness after a hard night. Barbara pressed her palm flat against his chest as they kissed, the warmth seeming to radiate out to his whole torso. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close, and he realized that this was new, too.

“Jason, I just…I need…” she whispered, breaking their silence for the first time in hours.

“Yeah. Same,” he said in a hoarse voice before bringing a hand to her face and kissing her again.

They continued like that for a long time, until Barbara’s hand drifted to Jason’s t-shirt and she started to twist the hem of it in her hand hesitantly, like she wasn’t sure if he’d want her to pull it off. He looked at her and nodded, propping up so she could take it off of him and set it aside. She stared at him for a moment, then pulled off her own shirt. She was bare underneath, and he swallowed hard at the sight.

It wasn’t the first time he had seen her uncovered, what with all the times they’ve had to be in various stages of undress around each other for the purposes of getting patched up, but it was the first time he had seen her like this. It was the first time it had been in a bed, the first time she ever reached out and took his hand and brought it to her bare skin, urging him to touch her there. He obliged, and he was gentle about it, explorative. She closed her eyes, sighing beautifully when he moved her onto her back and kissed slowly down her neck toward her breasts. They were beautiful – _she_ was beautiful – and he thought briefly to what a little perv he had been as a teenager and how glad he was that he hadn’t had the opportunity to see her like this back then. He wouldn’t have appreciated or deserved it, he would have taken it for granted.

He kissed and mouthed at her until she was shivering, until she brought her hands to his face and pulled him up to kiss his mouth. She pushed her fingers up into his hair, making him groan softly. His hips pressed forward just a little before he could stop them, and he pulled back, not wanting to make assumptions. Barbara, however, moved her hands to his lower back and pressed, telling him without words to proceed.

Something in the back of his mind told him to make this count, to savor every second, and he listened to that instinct. He kissed her slowly and deeply, rolling down her borrowed shorts until she could kick them off. The sight of her beneath him, light from the street flooding through his window and decorating her with bars from the blinds, was almost too much for Jason to comprehend. He had imagined this kind of scenario plenty of times, albeit not as nice and sweet a version as was happening now, but his mind had fallen embarrassingly short of the real thing. He felt confident that Barbara had never thought of him in the same way.

She frowned in the most tempting way and pulled at him until their bodies were flush again, and it felt so good to feel her skin against his that he couldn’t help making a quiet sound in his throat. He kissed her all over her face, her neck, down across her collarbone until she sighed and looked at him.

“Please…” she whispered.

He didn’t need telling twice. He bent and twisted a little to get himself out of his boxers, feeling himself aching and straining for her. She wrapped her arms around him, her hands pressing softly, staring up at him with wide eyes as he lined up with her. Reaching down between them, he guided himself in, and his face went slack as he really, truly felt her around him for the first time, undistracted and deliberate. He moved in gradually, the heat of their bodies melding together until they were both breathing hard and pressed against each other, kissing between hammering heartbeats. When he started to move, the world slid away and nothing else mattered but how good this felt, how natural it was to be with Barbara like this.

Neither made much noise apart from a few quiet little moans, a few gasps and sighs. Jason slipped one hand under her hips to tilt her up toward him and hold her even closer, and Barbara’s ankles were locked behind his back. They kissed over and over, as though addicted to the feel of it, and he took every opportunity to look at her. She was just so goddamn beautiful.

He told her so, too, a couple of times. It just slipped out of his mouth in a low whisper before he could stop himself, and she seemed to appreciate hearing it judging by how she kissed him when he said it. She probably heard that she was beautiful every day of her life, but she acted like it wasn’t old, obvious news even so. He wondered for a moment if she actually _knew_ just how stunning she was.

When she moved her hips a little in a way that changed the angle just slightly, they both let out a soft moan. He dropped his face down to her neck and kissed, breathing hot against her skin as they both got more worked up. She tried to say his name, to tell him she was close, close, and then coming, but she couldn’t do more than get the first sound out before it hit her out of nowhere. She gasped hard and clung to him, then groaned as she began to go through it and get her wits about her again.

Rolling her hips beneath him, she started to whisper little words of encouragement to Jason, inviting him to do what he needs, to follow her and come and let it all go. As incredible as it was, it wasn’t until she ran her hands into his hair again and lifted his face to kiss him hard that he felt the pressure start to release. He came with a jerk and a long groan, the sound soft in her mouth.

It was a long time before either of them could do anything but go limp against each other and breathe hard. When Jason could finally move, he winced and rolled over, then moved to pull her back against him. She fit well in his arms, and they found a comfortable position with her head tucked under his chin. Neither spoke, and neither needed to. Jason pressed a couple of kisses to her hair as they both started to drift off.

“Jason?” Barbara whispered sleepily.

He held her a little tighter at the sound of her voice. “Hmm?”

“This is…it’s okay, right?”

“What’s okay?”

“This…us. This whatever it is.”

“’Course it’s okay.”

She was quiet a moment. “I’m not trying to lead you on, or…”

“You’re not.”

“I don’t want to give the wrong idea if you…”

“Barb, shh. Go to sleep. It’s okay.”

“I know you liked me when we were younger, so.”

“Yeah.”

“So I didn’t know if you still…or if it’s…I don’t know.”

“Just rest. You need it.”

She turned a little to lie on her back now, still letting him hold her. “Why won’t you talk about it?”

“Because I’m basking in the afterglow.”

“No, I’m serious.”

“So am I.”

“Jason.”

Jason shifted a little now so he could look at her better. She looked worried, eyes trained on his face.

“I’m telling you, it’s totally fine. I know what this is. Yeah, I like you, but I don’t have any expectations here. Let’s just enjoy it,” Jason said quietly, trying to move so he can hold her like he had been.

“Wait. You _like_ me?” Barbara asked, having heard the present tense.

“I…”

Jason was caught, so he did a very Jason Todd thing and shrugged, then rolled to see if there were any cigarettes in his nightstand.

“Jason.”

“Mind if I smoke?”

“Care if I die?”

Jason rolled his eyes and lit up anyway.

“You just said you like me. Do you mean, like…”

“I mean I don’t actively dislike you.”

“Jason.”

“You’re gonna wear my name out, you keep saying it.”

“But-“

“I had a big crush on you when I was a kid, and it, I don’t know…it lingered over the years a little. It’s no big deal. Seriously. I’m the last guy on earth looking for a relationship right now. So don’t worry, okay? You’re not leading me on or manipulating me. I’m all in for this friends with benefits thing, if that’s what you’re looking for. It might be good for both of us. Outlet, you know?”

Barbara bit her lip a little, listening to him carefully, and she nodded. “Yeah. Outlet.”

He took a long drag on his cigarette, then stubbed it out half-smoked when he saw a bothered look on her face.

“I just think you’re cute,” he said shrugging. “Everyone does. And you’re good people. So yeah, I like you. But not like _that_.”

“If you’re sure…”

“Come here. You’re warm,” he said, making a space for her.

She hesitantly cuddled back up to him, relaxing against his body heat. Jason leaned his face against her head and rubbed up and down her arm a bit.

“You’re not gonna break my heart, Barb. My nose one of these days, maybe, but…”

Barbara laughed softly. “As long as you’re sure.”

“Sure I’m sure.”

She nodded a little, and he nodded a little, and they both fell asleep. In the morning, they were both facing away from each other.


	5. Chapter 5

The fifth time was when Jason realized this was a bad idea.

He knew it was. The thing was, he just didn’t care. He wanted her too much, so he’d take what he could get. He could pretend it was enough. Pretend that getting his brains screwed out by a beautiful woman as a means of cheering him up after a rough night and after his stupid slip of the tongue was totally natural, as though he hadn’t held a torch for this girl since puberty.

It wasn’t that he was incapable of sex without feelings. Jason was no stranger to it, and though he always treated partners well and respectfully no matter how wild and anonymous they were with one another, he rarely got attached. It was just easier that way, easier than opening up and letting anyone too far in. But Barbara was always different. She had always been an exception to so many rules that of course she’d be an exception to this one.

He cared. A lot. She had been a knockout from the day Jason met her, so of course he had been attracted to her, but when he saw just how strong and kind and capable and brilliant she was, she firmly lodged herself into a place in his heart that wouldn’t be shaken. More than a crush, less than love. Whatever that’s called, that was how Jason had always felt about her, no matter how often he tried to squash it. He knew he shouldn’t be bitter at all, knew that it was a damn privilege to so much as be acquaintances with Barbara Gordon, let alone be allowed to do this. Still, though, it was like receiving carob when chocolate was requested. It didn’t quite satisfy the want, and it only made it grow stronger over time.

Jason’s grip on her hips tightened as she moved faster and harder, the morning light setting her hair ablaze and lighting her eyes in a way that would have driven anyone wild. He kept his mouth firmly shut, not wanting to let slip what he was really thinking, not wanting to give her the wrong idea and ruin whatever precarious thing they were building here. Holding out hope was both stupid and not something Jason did much of anymore, and yet there he was.

She was too good for him, and he knew it.

But she at least wanted this from him, and that was okay.


	6. Chapter 6

The sixth time was pretty average.

It was just cheap beer and a bad movie and good Chinese takeout, nothing special. Nothing romantic. That was intentional. They both wore something one step up from pajamas, Barbara with no makeup on her face, her hair pulled up in a messy bun. They both just needed to get away from life for a bit, laugh about bad production value, take it easy.

So they shared egg rolls, Barbara stretched out with her legs slung over Jason’s lap, and it was nice. It felt fun and friendly and like maybe this would work out just fine, especially when halfway through the second terrible movie Barbara giggled and moved to start kissing him on his neck.

“Barb, the movie!” Jason fake protested.

“Is awful,” she said as she kissed a trail toward his ear.

“In a good way.”

“In an awful way.”

“Well, I’m gonna keep watching.”

“You do that.”

She grinned wickedly when she said that, and she kissed under his ear in a spot she had figured out he really, really liked. He closed his eyes for a second, then let out an exaggerated sigh.

“Oh, all right,” he said, as though all this was terribly inconvenient, and he wrapped his arms around her to roll her onto her back.

She laughed a little and relaxed into it, letting him take over. By now they both had a decent sense of what the other liked, so between that and the cute way Barbara laughed at a particularly awful sound effect from the movie, Jason was feeling pretty good about life by the time they were both undressed.

This time was easy and fun, probably the most fun either had had in a while. It felt so natural, both of them there on the couch with the flickering light from the TV illuminating their faces as their laughs gradually made way to sighs and moans. They kissed and smiled and laughed, and Jason couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed during sex. It felt good.

Damn it all, it felt way too good. Too much like something he wanted to keep. So when it was over, he didn’t curl up against her for long, instead getting up under the guise of needing a smoke. He jokingly offered her one, laughing again at the face she pulled, and sat by the window as a courtesy.

“Cue up another shitty movie,” he said as he went to get a couple more beers.

“Sure you want to put yourself through that?” Barbara teased.

“Please. I can handle anything.”

“Okay. Then I have the perfect one, but you have to agree to let me hide in your sleeve when I get secondhand embarrassment.”

Jason just smiled, and he was glad she didn’t see that he dropped it the second she looked away.


	7. Chapter 7

The seventh time was the last time.

Jason showed up at Barbara’s place not because he was pumped up from a fight and looking for a fuck, and not because he’d had a bad night and was looking for some comfort, but because he wanted to see her and was looking to do so. And he wanted to do so before he had too much time to think about what that might mean.

When she opened the door, he felt his heart jump a little. Her face was clean and fresh, her hair a little wet, and she smelled like citrus and lotion. She looked a little surprised to see him, but she smiled brightly, a little playfully.

“Well, hey, stranger,” she said. “Happened to be in the neighborhood?”

“Happened to be,” Jason confirmed.

“Come in. Hungry? I have more Greek takeout than any one person could ever hope to eat. My eyes were bigger than my stomach. Which is heartbreaking because you would not _believe_ this moussaka.”

“No, thanks. I’m okay.”

“I’d offer you a drink, but I don’t have anything. Unless you’re feeling like some tea.”

“No, thanks, really. I’m fine.”

She looked at him more mischievously then. “Ah, so it’s _that_ kind of social call.”

“What? No. No, I just thought I’d come by and…okay, yeah, a little,” Jason said with a laugh.

“I wondered.”

“Sorry. That’s kinda shitty of me.”

“No, it’s not.”

“No?”

“Not if I’m into it.”

They both smiled at each other then, and a moment later, he had her wrapped up in his arms and was kissing her with everything he had. She responded in kind, lighting a familiar fire in him, but if he were honest with himself he’d be content to just kiss her like this for hours. After several minutes of this, Barbara pushed at him a little, and he stopped immediately, looking down at her. For a second, he thought she might ask to stop, might not want to go any further, but then she reached down and tugged at his hand to lead her into her bedroom.

They hardly made it past the door before he was kissing her again, a hand on her cheek, a few locks of her damp hair falling over his fingers. He felt her smiling against his mouth, and it sparked something he couldn’t quite put a finger on. Whatever the feeling was, it was fantastic, and he kissed her more deeply at it as they stumbled slightly into her bed.

It struck him for a second how different their homes were. Jason’s place was all necessities, just the items he needed to get by and little else. Really, his apartment was a more of a crash pad than anything else. But Barbara’s was all light and color, with framed pictures on the walls and bedding that came in a set and fresh laundry folded on top of the dresser. Jason functioned, but Barbara lived.

Before these thoughts could distract him, though, Barbara had reached up and tugged at his shirt, so he shrugged out of it and pulled hers off as well, undressing her with a sort of desperate fervor that surprised them both. He had her naked before she even got his socks off, and he moved over her to kiss her and ease her onto her back, knowing what he wanted right then. He kissed lower, stopping at her breasts for a moment before making his way down her stomach. He stopped just before he reached her center, looking up at her to gauge her reaction.

“Is this-” he started, but she nodded before he got the rest of the question out. “Good.”

Without waiting any longer, he brought his mouth to her, closing his eyes at the contact. He kept it slow at first, just enjoying how she tasted and felt, how her breath caught in her throat as he explored her. After a few moments, she made a soft sound that went straight to his head as she tilted her hips up just a fraction of an inch, wanting and needing more from him. He caught her legs under his hands, lifting and pushing them apart just a little more, adding pressure against her clit with the flat of his tongue. When she gasped, he stayed there, dragging back and forth, tracing a circle, flicking lightly, testing out different things to find what she liked best. She moaned when he discovered exactly the right way to work her, her hands gripping the pillow under her head. When he brought one hand down to move two fingers inside her, she made a throaty noise and arched up into his touch.

He thought she must be getting close, which was confirmed when she brought one hand down to grip at his hair as though worried he might move away before she came. It would have been funny if it hadn’t been so hot Jason felt himself start to ache. He worked at her relentlessly, until at last she made a desperate sound full of breath and came hard. Eager to make it into a top ten position, he took her through it in a dutiful sort of way until she shook a bit and went loose, pushing at his head a little to get him to stop before it overwhelmed her.

He scrubbed at his mouth a bit as he backed off, then kissed her hip and waited until she could gather herself. When she opened her eyes and looked at him, her eyes fuzzy and her face flushed deep pink, his aching grew worse in less than a second. Barbara propped up on one elbow, still panting.

“How are you so good at that?” she said, half-laughing.

“Would you believe me if I said I Googled it?”

She laughed in earnest then, sitting up more and tugging him up, wanting him atop her. He obliged and let some of his weight rest against her, feeling how soft and warm she was on top of those incredible muscles of hers. He looked at her for a moment, then was glad that she kissed him so he could focus on that instead of those pesky feelings he was feeling. At some point, she started fiddling with the button and zipper on his pants, starting to push them down. He moved to shuck them off, and he went ahead and did the same with his boxers. Barbara looked at him then, and it struck him that it was still pretty light outside, and it was bright in her room from the desk lamp, and she was getting a very clear view of exactly what he looked like.

Jason wasn’t exactly someone who felt self-conscious all that often, but something about the way Barbara’s eyes flicked to some of the more prominent scars on his body made him want to apologize or something. She had scars too, of course, and lots of them, but many of hers had faded quite a bit during her time away from being Batgirl, and her fresher ones weren’t too bad. Jason had as many marks just from the past few months as she probably had from the past few years. He shifted a little, and she seemed to realize she was staring.

“I’m sorry, I just…” she started, then she shook her head. “I never really _looked_ before. Not when we weren’t fresh from a fight, anyway.”

“It’s fine,” he said with a shrug.

“It wasn’t a critical eye I was using. Just for the record.”

“No?”

“I was appreciating.”

“Oh.” His eyebrows lifted at that.

“I probably looked critical. Sorry. I do that. It’s just my face.”

Jason laughed hard at that, instantly relaxing and moving back over her to start kissing her neck. She sighed, smiling, closing her eyes again and pressing up against him. The feel of her breasts against his skin made Jason groan softly and suck just a little under her ear. She turned her head to look at him, then pressed her hands into his lower back, urging his hips forward.

“Come on,” she whispered.

He didn’t need much more encouragement, and within seconds he was pushing into her, his face going slack at the feeling of her around him. When he started to move, he dropped his mouth down to her ear, catching the scent of her hair as he breathed against her skin. She rolled her hips beneath him, and it was so sensual he felt a little dizzy. Her fingertips pressed into his back, her parted lips catching his neck every so often and leaving little kisses or the soft vibrations of a moan behind.

“God, you feel so fucking good,” he choked out after a while, unable to bite his tongue any longer.

“So do you.” Her voice was high and breathy.

He swore again, burying his face in her neck as she whimpered and moved a little below him to adjust the angle. She shifted once more, just a bit, and her sudden tight grip on Jason’s shoulders told him that it was what she needed. He kept moving in that same way, harder and faster when she dug her heels into his ass. She looked right at him, her eyes wide and almost startled, and he had just opened his mouth to ask if she was all right when she cried out and clung to him, tightening around him over and over. It was obviously intense for her, and Jason wasn’t sure if it was too much, so even though he was so close he could hardly breathe, he slowed to a stop.

A moment passed as Barbara caught her breath and came down, then she looked into Jason’s eyes, reached down to grab his hips, and started guiding him to start moving again and get what he needed. With her go-ahead, he thrust into her deeply, letting out a hoarse sound when she dug her nails into his hips. It only took a few more seconds for him to groan through gritted teeth as he came, going almost completely still but for a few small jerks of his hips.

The next few minutes were a kind of blur, Barbara holding him against her body, their skin hot and covered in a thin sweat. Jason tried a couple times to talk, but he couldn’t quite get the words out, and Barbara gently shushed him anyway, so he just rested and fell silent. It took him a little while to realize she was kind of scratching at his head in a comforting kind of way, that her other hand was resting flat between his shoulder blades. It all felt too intimate, too much like what he had promised her this wasn’t going to be.

He realized then it was a promise he wasn’t going to be able to keep.

All at once, he lifted up and off of her, rolling away to grab his clothes. He started dressing fast, not looking at her when she sat up, completely confused.

“Jason?” she asked, sounding worried.

“I just remembered I have to be somewhere,” he mumbled as he jumped into his pants.

“Where?”

“Can’t say.”

“Jason.”

“I’m sorry, I forgot.”

“You’re just…are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah. I’m really sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I’ll talk to you soon, okay? See you out there.”

He stuffed his feet into his shoes and zipped his jacket, almost at the bedroom door when Barbara spoke again.

“What did I do?” Barbara asked, sounding almost vulnerable.

Jason stopped there, dropping his head for a second, feeling like shit for this. He turned, but still didn’t quite look at her.

“You didn’t do anything, Barb. I promise.”

“Then…”

“It’s…just…maybe this isn’t a good idea.”

Barbara blinked. “You’re realizing this _now_?”

“I know. I _know_ , I…”

“ _After_ the sex in my bed, _then_ this…whatever we’re doing is a bad idea.”

“I didn’t plan that.”

“No, of course not,” she said quietly.

“I didn’t.”

“I know. I believe you.”

They were both silent for a long moment, then Jason twisted his mouth a little. “It’s just…too much.”

“Too much?” Barbara repeated.

“For me. It’s too much. I thought it might be okay, but…it’s too much because it’s not enough.”

Barbara dropped her face, pulling her throw blanket around her to cover up. “You said…you said before that you like me.”

“Yeah,” he said simply.

She looked at him for a long moment, until he finally met her eyes, then she nodded once and looked away again.

“I just can’t,” he mumbled. “I wish I could, but if we keep on with this, I’m only gonna do something and fuck it all up. And you’re too…I mean, I…you’re someone I really don’t want to fuck things up with. Not more than I already have. So I just can’t.”

“I didn’t know you cared that much,” Barbara said quietly.

Jason stared at her. “Damn. Then I’ve finally gotten good at playing my cards close to my chest.”

Neither spoke for a long time after that, but Barbara looked embarrassed and uncomfortable there in the bed, the fuzzy green blanket covering her bare skin, so Jason grabbed the robe off the back of the door and brought it to her. She took it slowly, appreciative when he looked away so she could pull it on, then she stood up to face him. He kept his gaze down, but his eyes jumped to her face when she reached out and touched his cheek briefly before kissing it.

“It was good while it lasted,” she said softly, no malice or bitterness in her tone.

Jason just cleared his throat and nodded, and he allowed himself to kiss her cheek one last time before he hurried away.

 

* * *

 

They didn’t see each other for a few months after that. Both refused to show any sign of awkwardness, and neither acknowledged what had happened between them. They worked together, goaded each other, joked while they got patched up. It could have been any other night.

But just before they parted ways, Barbara touched his hand for just a second and gave him a little smile. He returned it and chucked her chin lightly.

“Get outta here,” he said, jerking his head in the direction she would have to go.

“It was good to see you, you know,” she said as she prepared to leave.

“You too.”

“Things okay?”

He knew what she was referring to, and he gave her a single nod.

“Good,” she said. “Because I like kicking ass with you.”

That made him grin for real. “Then we’ll have to do it again sometime.”

“Counting on it.”

She gave him a little wave and left, vanishing into the growing dawn like a mystery. Jason looked out over the city for a moment then, fiddling with his lighter for something to do. He wasn’t over her, and he probably never would be, but they could do this. He could at least have this. And that would have to be enough.


End file.
